The Chinese have a saying, may you live in interesting times.  Also be careful what you wish for.  On 7/28 I was fired from a job I held for almost 8 years.  Up until that job the longest I had worked anywhere was 3 years.  The right medication for a Bi-polar condition does work.  I’m 49.  Since age 15 thoughts of suicide were a daily thing.  Mine was not the dramatic portrayed the movies.  it was the 3 to 5 cycling during every day dictated by stress.  Some days leaving my apartment was too hard.  It was the main reason for my current separated status after 18 years of marriage.  She got tired of putting up with my mood swings and picking up the mess when I had a major maniac period.  I can’t blame her. Three years ago was when sanity entered my life.  Suddenly the darkness was gone.  I was able to focus for the first time.  My passion for writing started to march front and center.  It became a compulsion.  

Unfortunately it brought the dead end mindless job into direct conflict with the new me.  I wondered if the new workers from the temp service had a lack of work ethic or were smarter than me to leave after a week or two.  My history of stubborn determination of continuing to the bitter end was learned from a workaholic father.  It has taken me many years to understand his behavior was caused by his uncontrollable spending habits and own mental imbalance.  The last connection to a past was severed when I was fired.  What are the lessons learned?  That the state of Michigan is denying all unemployment claims.  So it saves money by most people being to lazy or uninformed to challenge it.  That would have applied to me simply because sustained effort was beyond my ability to carry out.  Now I can.  For 16 days there was no money.  Yes I had a place to stay and food to eat but.  My one trip to the local food pantry at a christian outreach church gave me a true picture of being poor.

A series of bad decisions on a small scale snowballed into some people standing in line every week.  So allow me to set the scene.  They start lining up at 6 on a Saturday morning.  Tickets will be handed out at 9.  Lawn chairs and small coolers are the badge of experience.  Come back at 11 to find your place in line by the number on your ticket. Boxes.  Rolling luggage.  kids backpacks. Waiting. Think of the weather.  It all takes place outside.  At noon the preacher does a sermon.  10000 pounds of food.  Sounds like a lot.   Not for the number of people.  All of it high carb and corn syrup for sweeter.  The Republicans can beat on them has dead beat non working leaches.  Sorry some have jobs.  Others can’t get one for various reasons.  No welfare queens driving Caddies here.

Walk through getting your rationed allotment of obesity diet. What got me was the one ear of corn,  a pepper that was going bad and a bruised peach.  You could get a pineapple.  Hey it  Saginaw Michigan.  Exotic fruit is just that.  If anything makes you want to not be in this situation, that will.  My neighborhood is a historical district.  What that means is everything is within walking distance.  No car except when absolutely necessary.  Think about where you live and the same situation.  Missing a meal or three suddenly stops being a big deal.  There is a not so obvious question here.  Why was I so calm about this?

I was working 40+ hours.  And barely making it on $12 an hour.  Start subtracting out benefits, additional short term disability, taxes and a 401(k) contribution then gas at $3.60 a gallon in a F150 truck, it leaves some hard decisions.  It also means for the past 4 years I’ve been short for one to three  days.  Paycheck to almost paycheck.  Can’t have a car repair without lots of overtime or another job or another income in the equation.  Without my 401(K) and understanding the tax code, any job would have been necessary.  There were hops to jump through to get a partial disbursement.  The amount sounded really good until the subtraction started.  All the stuff being put off for lack of money.  Good used tires for the truck.  Brake repairs.  Money for kids tuition.  Shoes supplies.  The late rent.  You get the idea.

The hardest was the mental adjustment.  Five years on third shift had become hard wired into certain behaviors.  It took three weeks to get back on a normal human sleep pattern.  The real problem was my writing all starts has a dream.  The first week felt like vacation.  The second felt like the yearly lay off.  Then I woke up to no longer having a job.  That was the stat of my no money period.  Finding another position or job requires skills that working full time impossible to get.  Now I have the time.  Being a veteran gives me an avenue the majority have no access to.  So where does this new knowledge get me.

Food is better in moderation.  It also helps in losing weight when you forced to walk everywhere.  Walking is an enjoyable way to get places.  Friends are all around.  Others who have been through hard times have a capacity for generosity without judging that humbles you.  Even without cable or satellite there still is nothing good on TV except PBS.  Music can rise your mood like nothing else.  All that changes the lens life is viewed through.  Priorities get shifted.  And finally judging others becomes an easy thing to discard.  Walking a mile in my shoes and theirs brings home some hard truths about how similar we all are.

Thanks for your  time in reading this far.  Later.